tired..

not sure why i’m even writing this right now but i just want to say that i’m tired.. iKno that no one will read this most likely but yea.. life is hard.. my dreams seem too big at times.. i feel like i muster up the strength to take 4 steps forward but when i look up, i’m in the exact same place as before.. this is tiring.. i’ve been chasing this dream for over 10 years and i feel like i’ve made no real progress outside of becoming a better artist.. but what’s the point if no one sees it.?? don’t get me wrong improving w// my craft brings me a joy that is next to nothing but having no sort of outside progression always seems to cut that same joy short.. i’m an amazing artist that has to go to work in the morning.. i had (and still have) dreams of having this huge house, hella cars, enough money to have my financial freedom and a ginormous and lüving fanbase.. i have none of that.. i appreciate the few fans that i do have and i feel almost selfish for that last sentence but is true.. i have a creative talent and nothing to show for it but a bunch of songs that very few have heard.. i want to give up on this dream and this dream is the only thing i live for, so take what ü want from that.. i have no clue what is keeping be from giving up but for some reason i just can’t.. i won’t give up (i hope) but i often (and i mean often) want to.. the pain of having to get up and work a 9-5, being broke and just not being where i want to be in life is something i feel like very few understand.. i HATE it.. i hate the mundane.. i wasn’t made for a banal life of working a job everyday until retirement.. i just want to create and i don’t think many people understand the extreme that it goes too.. idk.. like i said, i don’t kno why i’m writing this but hopefully it’s something i’ll look back on (and ü too) and smile because i kept going and made the dream a reality.. my heart hurts and i don’t want to keep going on w// this pain but but i will for ü.. whoever that may be.. shit is tough and it may get even harder but let’s remember that fading dream that’s in oür head and remember that the fact that we can imagine it means it’s possible.. let’s not let the dream fade away..

keep going..